One lifetime is not enough, for all my words – Koraly Dimitriadis

Me vs Moth

January 28, 2011 at 11:28 am (Poems (PG rated)) (confronting fears, fear, moth, poems, Poems (PG rated))

All my life I have been scared of moths.
Afraid of them fluttering over my skin
pirouetting in my hair, all while I’m unaware
eyes shut to the world, vulnerable

The other night, I came home,
turned my bedroom light on
only to be greeted with the biggest moth
I have ever seen in my entire life

I was completely alone.
It was just me, and the moth.

It was about the size of a tennis ball
double the size of the moth I conquered
just over a year ago
and I thought that was the biggest moth
I had seen in my entire life

My initial instinct was to do what I usually do,
screech, run about the house like a girl.
I had no fly spray.
I had nothing but myself.
But this time I didn’t run.
I didn’t do anything.
I froze, nailed my eyes on the fucker.
I had never killed a moth without fly spray.
I always got other people to kill them for me.

Not this time.

I armed myself with a few towels, shoes,
whatever I could find,
I went over the plan in my head
the strategy to go in for the attack
retreat for the retaliation
then I armed myself
and began.

I threw a towel and retreated,
repeated again and again
but it wouldn’t die, no matter what I did
it kept fluttering around the light
prancing its existence, its fat, yellow body
it’s intrusive wings
and soon I ran out of towels, and shoes
so I had to go back in and retrieve my ammo
and I just kept throwing things
my aim was precise, a 95% hit rate
but still it would not die
and minutes went by, ten, fifteen, twenty
but I wouldn’t falter, I couldn’t falter
I was going to kill this fucker
I was going to show the IT
I was going to show this goddamn mother of a world
that I was not going to be defined by my fear

Finally, after an hour, it fell to the floor
unexpectedly, mid-flight, taking me by surprise…

I picked it up with a tissue, tossed it in the bin

DONE