Revenge
I want you to stop dead
at the sight of me
strutting my stuff
down Bourke street
in my purple number and stilettos
while I’m laughing and on my way
to a club with friends
come in your pants
at how fucking hot
and awesome I am
kicking yourself
at how you fucked it up
treated me like shit
lose your breath
cross the road
stop me and say ‘hi’
and I’ll be all polite
and say ‘how are you?
How you been?’
And I want you to pull
me aside, explain
that you’ve missed me
so much, beg me to
come back and I want to
laugh at how cute it all is
‘oh, sweetheart,
that’s so sweet’
and you’ll say
‘cause I miss you, babe’
and then I’ll yell
very abruptly
‘fuck you you
sleazy, two-timing
motherfucking dickhead!
I would never take
you back, you head fuck!’
And then I want to
calm down and
rub your shoulder
very sweetly
say ‘sorry’
then continue
down Bourke street
with my friends
while you stand on the
footpath, heartbroken
Fun
It’s fun not having a dick-head to stress about
not having a guy to get in a mess about
worrying if he’s gonna call or sms
just to see if he passes the test
learning some self-respect
keeping my sex for only the best
He was on a pedestal and I idolised his sound
it’s fun bringing that pedestal down
till it touches the ground
and elevating mine
all the way to the sky
to start actually using my fucking brain
laughing at how I chased you
understanding it was insane
being tired of the game
knowing that my life isn’t lame
It’s fun enjoying the simple things in life
and not being afraid of, myself
hot chocolate, DVDs, music and books
anything that doesn’t involve you
It’s fun not having you to stress about
and I’ve learnt never to allow myself
to get into a mess about
men like YOU
(to all my devoted readers, it was TOO hard to stop myself from posting poems and just putting them in cafe nova! I’ll have to put some on the blog and some in the cafe!)
I’m the poet in residence at Cafe NOVA!
Just before the end of the year I received an email from Eliza Hull from the Australian Poetry stating that my application to be a cafe poet had been shortlisted! Of course I couldn’t share the news but my next job was to actually find a cafe on Brunswick Street, Fitzroy that was interested in having me as a poet in residence for 6 months. My pitch to Australian Poetry was that I wanted to be a cafe poet on Brunswick Street near Polyester Bookshop because they are the biggest sellers of Love and F**k Poems. In fact, I am a best seller in their store!
But after some initial thought it dawned on me that finding a cafe interested in having me stick my poems on the walls and toilet doors may prove difficult. Putting my erotic poetry aside, even my more subtler poetry is a raw and confronting. I was in a bit of a pickle, like going to the dentist…
After some help from Polyester shop staff, I tried out a few cafes, without much luck. One was interested but said they didn’t like the idea of having to give me a free coffee every time I came in to write. But I knew it wasn’t only about finding a cafe. I wanted to also find a manager that I clicked with. If I could choose any cafe it would have been Cafe Nova, but for some reason I tried three cafes before Nova. I think it’s because I felt like there was no WAY Cafe Nova would say yes because they are so trendy and everyone goes there and I write poems called ‘Love according to wogs’ and ‘How to get a f**k’.
After my third rejection I thought, stuff it, I’m going to try. When I met Jen, the manager, we instantly clicked. I told her about my writing and gave her my book and some articles I had written in the Victorian Writers Center magazine and the articles and posters from Beat magazine when I did my show with Ben John Smith at Polyester.
Jen said she’d have to speak to the owner, Nicole, who I haven’t met yet and get back to me. After she rang me to say ‘yes’ it was up to Australian Poetry to give their final ‘yes’. When they did Jen and I organised our first meeting, which took place today.
Jen and I spoke about ideas that we had for my residency. I printed up some cards (the size of business cards) which have my name and ‘cafe nova poet in residence’ on them and on the back I hand write poems to go on each table. There is also going to be a wall where I can put up my poems and I can change the poems whenever I like. I am also planning a poets mailbox where people can write me letters using poetry and I will respond with poetry and put the letters up on my wall. Jen and I talked about language, swearing etc and Jen said Nicole, the owner, would have to give the final okay. I completely understand, of course, as kids may come into the cafe. You can also buy both of my chap books at Cafe Nova, but the Love and F**k Poems book will be BEHIND the Poet is Born books so they are hidden.
Since it’s the start of the year, and i still don’t have my school timetable, I’m not sure exactly how often and on what days I’ll be going into the cafe. At the moment we’ve tentatively stuck to 11-12am on Wednesdays but I’ll be randomly popping in at other times too. So if you want to come in and talk poetry or come and say hi please do. It will probably be mid mornings or late at night as Cafe Nova is open till very late. Hope to see you there!
Christmas Poem (revamped)
I wrote a poem called ‘Merry Christmas’ back in 2009 and I felt like revisiting it. The original poem was posted on Overland back in the day when there were only a small handful of bloggers and we could post whatever we wanted…ahh, those were the days…The two poems are very different. Enjoy and happy holidays to you all!
Christmas Poem
I’ll gift wrap Christmas for you
tie a tidy bow around it
just to see your eyes glimmer
in commercialisation glitter
I’m not angry about Christmas anymore
because I’ve lost my innocence
but you have not
I want to make life an adventure for you
before you start growing and seeing
and your heart breaks in two
I want you to believe in Santa
as long as you possibly can
write a letter and leave
cookies and milk
tuck you in at night
all excited and bursting
for the morning light
going to shopping centers
makes me feel ill
but I’ll do it for you
again and again
you’ve got a new little cousin too
he arches his back
tries to reach the sky
for his playmat
soon he’ll be big like you
and you can dance to carols
together in the living room
I’ll gift wrap Christmas for you
tie a tidy bow around it
just to see your eyes glimmer
Life
It never turns out like you planned
or maybe it does, but you’re not prepared
yet somehow I feel cheated out
of the Greek myth I was raised in
the perfect picket fence
it was chainsawed to woodchips
I scramble for the pieces
to puzzle us back together
when I don’t really want to
Your house, our old sanctuary
your new joy, my cemetery
you’ve already renovated me out
added a new coat of paint to the fence
and suddenly, I don’t live anywhere
I cry when we fight
but I’m really just
arguing with myself
I say this to my mum
as I lay on her couch
and she takes care of me
because I can barely move
the alleged ulcer in my stomach
expanding every time I think
You’re dying inside me
burning my lining
I cough up the acid
of what has happened
the remnants of us
every time I speak
they pumped me with the drugs
at the hospital yesterday
and I was relieved
Yes, fill me with drugs
pump the fence to oblivion
when the doctor came to my house
and told me to go to the hospital
it was the middle of the night
and I was alone
like I will be
from now on
I watch the hospital chair
my Dad sitting in your place
you call and say you want to visit
but I don’t want you to
tied together forever
by our daughter
I squeeze the blanket
petrified by my body’s protest
the doctor’s still aren’t sure
what the hell is going on
and I repeat
It’s over, It’s over, It’s over…
Messaging men
I enjoy messaging men
Type quick and hit send
See, I don’t pretend
I want to express myself
Undress my emotions
Put them on a platter for you
So you can rip them in two
And then, well, no response
But there’s always tomorrow…
It’s nice messaging men
Type quick and hit send
Every day, just one sms
It’s my treat for the day
It makes my existence okay
A bubble of hope
Floating into the unknown
To pop onto his phone
So he can flip though
Feel really cool
Disregard my heart
(gosh, she’s needy,
a bit desperate!)
And then, we go to the start
Because there’s always tomorrow
It hurts a bit, after I message men
especially when there’s no response
and I’ve written four messages
in a row and want to smash
my phone and technology
for rattling my brain
making me insane
because there is a device
that can send messages
out to anyone in the world
any time I get an itch
or a twitch of boredom
or anxiety
I still message men
I never learn
even after I hurt
and what’s life
without excitement
a little enticement
Oh, the thrill of it
Waiting for a beep
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Oh, then the words come
and they cuddle my heart
serenade me to sleep
make me feel like a freak
because I want love
affection and attention
someone to shove words
inside the hole
which I cannot seem
to fill with
myself
Little Raven publishes my audio
Little Raven are a new publishing venture, publishers of erotic fiction and I am happy to announce that an audio poem of mine from Love and Fuck Poems, ‘You like to f**k the darkness in me’ has been published on their website. This Thursday the 8th on the 3CR spoken word program I will be interviewing Little Raven directors, Van Roberts and Yasmin Clement. The entire show will be dedicated to erotic spoken word and Little Raven will be showcasing work from some of their new writers(including me!). The show is adults only. Also on Thursday night at 7:30pm, Little Raven will be hosting their monthly event, Spin the bottle. The event is open mic and anyone can read up to 1000 words of erotic writing, but make sure you email them to get your name on the list if you want to read. It will be held at Re Vult in the city, 344 Swanston Street and I will be reading a little something myself. Hope to see you there and enjoy the audio!
The Queen
(For Jenny Poulakos)
I am the queen, make no mistake
I am the queen of my being
I have complete and utter control
over my soul, and my emotions
I am the queen and I expect
the best, to treat myself with no less
than disciplined respect
Make no mistake, I need no man
to tell me that I can, or I can do
that I can be, or to satisfy me
The Queen is capable of all that
On her own, she has her inner slaves
Worshipping, taking care of her body
Feeding, breeding her mind, body, soul
The Queen is happy on her own
A busy bee building her own castle
She Rules her own kingdom
And in matters of the heart
She falls in love, with herself
Hearts and hearts all round
And she won’t lift a finger
For anyone other than the King
That will sit idly by her side
And won’t run off and hide
Because she’s got no time to play
Please would you just go away!
I can’t be bothered with the game!
I just want to sleep
Watch a DVD
I don’t care if your on your knees
With a hundred diamonds rings
If you’re not the King for me
Then move on please
I have places to be
And a whole lot of time
To spend inside of me
And when her Greek parents
Say they have found a man for her
She tells them GO AWAY, God dammit
Don’t you see, I don’t need a man
I am a woman – W O M A N
I am the Queen, of my being
Here me, I am the Queen
I am my Queen
Fan mail
It’s nice receiving fan email, especially from women that connect with the writing and see themselves in it. Fan mail from men is good too, although I do feel a little uncomfortable when I receive it because of the sexual content in Love and Fuck Poems. Thanks so much to the male who will remain anonymous (and for their permission to share this) who wrote this at work, scanned it and emailed it to me. It’s my most memorable fan mail to date and is SO Melbourne. I wonder if he was raeding Love and Fuck Poems while driving a train OR if I can get free metcards?????????



The naughty folder
January 11, 2012 at 5:18 am (Creative commentary)
My cafe Nova poetry cards for the tables
Today was my second week at Cafe Nova where I am poet in residence. Once again I wrote some poems to go on each of the tables and Jen (the manager) and I started work on the ‘poets corner’.
Back of my Cafe Nova cards
I put up three tasteful poems and I will also soon have a poets mailbox where people can write to me using poetry and I will respond to them with poetry and put my response up on my poets wall. Today we also introduced a new concept called the ‘naughty folder’ which can only be viewed when you specifically go up to the counter and ask for it. I have decided(and I hope to stick to this) that I won’t be posting much new poetry on my blog anymore because I have heaps of poems on my blog. I may do the occasional one here and there but I’d like to showcase my new poems in the cafe. Most of them will probably be in the naughty folder which will include poems which have words like ‘wog’ in them or sexual poems (which are most of my poems!) and the others will be put up on the wall in the poets corner. I hope to finish my poets corner display next week when I go into the cafe and I’ll take some photos and post them on my blog. If you are ever in at cafe nova ask for my naughty folder! I’ll be at cafe nova again next Wednesday from 11-12 (or any other time I decide to pop in) but in the meantime, I will be performing this Friday:
at Polyester Bookshop this Friday the 13th(owww)
as part of Little Raven’s night of erotic writing.
It’s at 7:30pm at 330 Brunswick Street, Fitzroy and there is a great lineup.
So come along if you have time. Hope to see you there!
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